


Jonas

by backwards_silver



Category: Homeland
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:01:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26379238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/backwards_silver/pseuds/backwards_silver
Summary: A little bit of reflection on Jonas' part, musings on her relationship with Quinn, and what leads him ultimately to part ways with Carrie.
Relationships: Carrie Mathison & Peter Quinn, Carrie Mathison/Peter Quinn
Comments: 16
Kudos: 9





	Jonas

**Author's Note:**

> I think Jonas was a brilliant 'outside-looking-in' perspective for C/Q's relationship. I think even he was flabbergasted at Quinn's devotion to Carrie, and the way she couldn't seem to accept the consequences of her actions.
> 
> I don't think they would've ever worked as a couple, but I do think he was an important part of her coming to terms with the damage she'd done, and the fact that she shouldn't take love for granted, when he ultimately broke up with her.

Jonas wandered the streets of dingy Berlin, a sickening taste in his mouth. 

Blood, he thought.

Quinn's blood.

His heart was beginning to pound heavy in his chest, fear mixed with horror. He recalled Carrie's voice in his head, so indifferent and distracted, ' _call an ambulance, do whatever you need to do_ '. 

She'd hung up without even a goodbye, so apathetic to the fact that her _friend_ was outright dying to save her life. He couldn't even fathom how she lived with it.

His mind went to the list of names he'd read through, nights before, so repulsed and yet grossly intrigued. The list had went on with over a hundred names. All innocent, all civilians, killed because they happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

She could never have words to justify that, he thought. And yet, somehow, she did justify it...in her own mind.

"Quinn!" Jonas' voice hardly even sounded confident, now, it wavered like the stirring of his gut. He imagined a bleeding man somewhere on the streets in the dark, slowly draining of life, stubbornly forcing himself not to get help even as he was shuddering in pain. 

Jonas felt immeasurably guilty, but with that guilt came a wave of anger for Carrie. If not for her, none of them would be in this position in the first place. Quinn had laughed, an ironic, humorless scoff, when Jonas claimed he would never put himself in a situation to sacrifice himself for Carrie. So it was a normal thing for her to do. Putting others' lives at risk for the sake of the things she 'had' to do.

He was incensed. Quinn had claimed, with such conviction, even as he lay at death's door, that Jonas would do the same for Carrie if he was in that situation. Jonas was sure he wouldn't have. He couldn't even understand why he was still here, now, walking the goddamn street for a dead man, doing things Carrie should have been doing, trying to help her get out of a situation that she'd caused, herself. 

He made his way back to the dank, uninviting garage that Carrie had been holed up in, the place Quinn spent his last moments bleeding out. It was still as dark and inhospitable as it had been when he'd left, the cold, wet air making him shiver with repugnance that this had somehow become his life over the past forty-eight hours, merely because of the influence of one Carrie Mathison. 

The exploitation of his son was what he would hold highest in contempt, something he'd likely never get over. It was one thing for Carrie to constantly be in danger because of her past, but his family? His children? Never. He wouldn't sacrifice them for her, especially seeing the choices she'd made over the last few days. How could a person be so blind to the needs of others around them? She'd made the appalling choice to allow someone she considered a friend to nearly die for her sake, and twenty hours later, hadn't even come back to check on him. 

Jonas loathed to think of what choices she'd make if his own family's life was on the line, if his children somehow got caught up into this deranged mess she lived in and ended up dying because of her decisions. He could never allow it, would never forgive himself for being involved with someone's life that ended up putting them at risk.

Maybe she believed that she had to live this life, but he wasn't about to get sucked up in it, too.

He wondered why she wasn't together with this Quinn guy, this _friend and colleague_ of hers who was so much more like her, kindred souls with dark and dangerous lives, and clearly one hell of a past together. He thought the term 'friend' was most definitely a lie on someone's part, no friend lies half-dead with a septic gunshot wound, uncomplaining, because he doesn't want to put his 'friend's' life in danger. No, that kind of devotion was maddeningly insane, but it was also the kind of devotion that is built through years and years of trust and probably a fair share of love, too. 

He wasn't sure what to make of Carrie's explanation about Quinn. She'd said he was a colleague and a friend, and later on, when the man was sleeping heavily under a thick layer of pain and medication, she'd given Jonas a longer explanation, at his insistence.

_"I've known him for a while," She said, begrudgingly, like it was being forced out of her. Jonas waited expectantly._

_"He's had my back countless times, and if not for him, I wouldn't be alive right now," She was staring at his sleeping form, freshly bandaged up, a distant frown on her face. Everything about her seemed distant these days. Like he'd never really known her. Never really would._

_"He's not in good shape, Carrie," Jonas tried to make her see, tried to draw out some kind of reaction from her that showed she understood the gravity of the situation._

_"Yeah, you think I don't know that?" Was her gratingly snappish reply. He didn't know what else to say, how to reconcile this gaping void between them. The completely different people trying to find common ground, and he wasn't entirely sure he wanted to find any common ground, if this was the kind of person she was deep down. Wasn't sure he really wanted a life with someone like that._

_"Well he seems to care about you a lot," Jonas finally said. Carrie was too zoned out to really notice, but she nodded slightly._

_"Yeah, he does," She said quietly._

Jonas wondered what would become of them when all of this was over, if he'd honestly be able to forgive and forget than of this mess ever happened, that he watched another man die for Carrie, that she'd been apparently too preoccupied to care. That she'd killed so many innocent people and considered it 'collateral damage', that she'd spent her life creating controlled chaos in order to influence current events. That his entire family would be at risk just knowing her. 

He was a lawyer, analyzing and logically dissecting information was in his very DNA, just as much as it was in Carrie's. Yet she was also programmed with something else, some sort of reckless abandon that allowed her to see purely tunnel-visioned, that made her blind to things others saw as shockingly obvious. He didn't think it was just her condition, he though it had to be something more, that it was literally who she was as a person. And he was increasingly less sure he could deal with that.

In a few hours, he'd just leave, he told himself. If Carrie wasn't back by then, who knew how long it would be before she was. He didn't know what else to do to find Quinn, and if he had worked in the same world that Carrie had, he wasn't sure he even stood a chance at finding him if he didn't want to be found. Carrie would have to worry about it, it was, after all, her lifestyle that had gotten all three of them into this situation.

He wondered if someday he'd ever put his life on the line for someone he loved. He wondered what on earth had made that man so willing to do anything he needed to do to keep Carrie safe. How she'd earned such devotion. Deep down, he thought it was absurd, but some part of him was in awe. The thought that such a love could exist, so deep that you would sacrifice everything for that person.

And that love, it might've been the only redeeming thing he'd seen in this whole awful mess.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm honestly not sure if it's Jonas Hollander or Happich, I've seen both. And isn't it ironic that C/J were such an unmemorable ship that they don't even have a relationship tag on here!
> 
> As always, love every single thought that you all have to share, and thank you so much for reading!


End file.
